Jump straight to: How Inner Critic Impacts Your Life | Small Shift (Inner Critic) | E-Book WorkBook
I used to think my inner critic/voice knew what was best for me; that it was my highest self, looking out for me, keeping me safe. And yet, every time it spoke, I felt defeated, like I had already lost before I had even started.
My whole life, I carried its words, listening without question. It whispered doubts, second-guessed my every decision, and made me hyper-aware of everything I did. I thought it was helping me navigate the world. I believed my inner critic was pushing me toward growth, making sure I never failed.
But I didn’t notice the damage it was causing until it was too late.
By the time I realized it, my body had already taken its toll. The constant stress, the self-doubt, and the feeling of never being enough had shaped my whole life. It affected every aspect of my life: the way I carried myself, the way I moved through the world and the way I treated myself.
I always felt misplaced, uncertain, and downplaying my successes. I constantly felt this quiet shame that I could never quite name. Instead of protecting me, my inner voice had become something else, overbearing, relentless, and exhausting.
This voice had been with me since childhood. It was all I knew. So, without questioning it, I listened, obeyed, and believed every word it said. It felt like a protector guiding me in my best interest. I thought it was the truth.
“You should be doing more, you’re falling behind.”
“If you can’t do it perfectly, don’t do it at all. You would embarrass yourself.”
“You’re only valuable when you’re productive.”
“Don’t draw attention to yourself, it’s safer to stay small.”
“You don’t belong here, everyone else fits in, except for you.”
I was living under the weight of an invisible authority, a voice that dictated my every move as if the “world” was waiting for me to fail. It magnified my flaws while minimizing my progress, effort, and accomplishments.
Years ago, my mom gifted me a framed quote: ‘Be your own best friend.‘ Sure, it was a little cringy, but I knew it was true. At that time, I thought I understood the message, speak to yourself the way you’d speak to someone you love. Sounds obvious, but I never actually put two and two together. I never realized that the voice in my head, the one I trusted, was too much. While it had good intentions, it wasn’t guiding me in the right way.
That’s when I noticed the frame from a different perspective ‘Be your own best friend‘, the way those voices spoke wasn’t just noise running in the background, it was shaping everything – my emotions, my confidence, my ability to move forward, my ability to heal, my success and my relationships.
What life threw at me wasn’t just bad luck. It wasn’t just how things were.
I was manifesting the reality I believed about myself.
And once I finally saw it, I couldn’t ignore it.
I started to understand that we are our longest relationship. And if I was going to spend every moment of my life with me, how could I justify making that relationship anything less than kind?
I thought that self-talk was just a passive habit. That tossing in the occasional I love you or smiling at myself in the mirror would somehow be enough, until years passed and I found myself exhausted, stuck in a cycle of never feeling like enough, and in a body that felt like it was failing me. I watched my life reflect the words I repeated in my head, limiting beliefs, quiet self-sabotage, and fears disguised as truth.
I had spent years speaking to myself in ways I would never speak to someone I loved. Picking myself apart. Questioning my worth. Setting impossible expectations. And for what? To keep myself small? To live in fear of my own potential?
I was exhausted with my self-talk running on autopilot, reinforcing fear instead of growth. I was tired of my thoughts working against me.
But that’s when I noticed that I wasn’t entirely powerless.
In fact, we have far more control over our thoughts than we realize. It sounds almost ridiculous, but think about it, how quickly do we reject the good thoughts we tell ourselves? How effortlessly do we brush off compliments, dismiss progress, and downplay our worth? And yet, when a negative thought shows up, we hold onto it like it’s the undeniable truth.
If we have the power to reject the positive thoughts, we have the power to do the same with the negative thoughts. And that’s where change begins – the scary, uncomfortable, yet freeing and rewarding change.
Of course, it’s easier said than done. But it is doable. It takes practice, small shifts, and habits that reinforce a positive balance, where your mind works with you rather than against you.
I would now love to share some small shifts I’ve been implementing; a reflection on how the inner critic can shape your life and how I’ve learned to work with it instead of letting it take control. And if you’re interested in a deeper dive, with a workbook-style guide that walks you through the steps, I’d highly recommend the E-Book “Name” (I’ve listed everything it includes below).
But before your inner critic jumps in, whether it’s telling you to learn more, do more, or resist altogether, just remember to start small. This isn’t something to rush. It’s not a sprint, it’s a lifetime marathon.
Let that voice know it’s alright. We’re not here to silence it or push it away, but to create balance, let it work with you, not against you. After all, it wants what’s best for you, right? Well, let it know that its best is learning to work together. It’s not the enemy, it just needs a new role. And when that shift happens, when you stop fighting yourself and start teaming up? That’s when everything changes.
How Can the Inner Critic Impact Your Life?
Your inner critic isn’t just background noise, it actively shapes how you experience the world. The way you talk to yourself influences not only your emotions but also your confidence, your ability to heal, and even your success.
From a scientific perspective, your thoughts aren’t just fleeting ideas; they actually create neural pathways in your brain. When repeated often enough, these thought patterns become automatic. So, if your inner dialogue is filled with self-doubt, criticism, or fear, your brain reinforces those beliefs, making them feel like facts rather than just a thought.
This cycle isn’t just in your mind, it directly impacts your body as well. Negative self-talk is linked to stress, anxiety, and low self-worth. Because your brain is wired for survival, constantly telling yourself you’re not good enough triggers your nervous system into a state of stress. Your body perceives this as a threat, activating the fight-or-flight response and releasing stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. When this stress becomes chronic, it throws off key functions like hormone regulation, digestion, sleep, and even immune health.
But just as these thought patterns were learned, they can be unlearned. The more awareness you bring to your self-talk, the more power you have to shift it. That’s where small, consistent changes come in.
How I Shifted My Inner Critic from Self-Sabotage to Self-Support.
The key to rewiring self-talk isn’t about forcing positivity or silencing your inner critic, it’s about changing your relationship with it. Finding the balance and creating an ally instead of an enemy. I have listed a couple of the small, but powerful shifts that have helped me:
Reframing without forcing positivity:
This technique has been one of the most impactful in my experience. When I catch myself repeating a negative thought like “I am a failure” or “I’m going to fail,” I try to reframe it in a way that actually feels true.
Instead of jumping to an extreme like, “I’m amazing and never fail,” I shift to something I can genuinely believe: “I am learning, and growth takes time. Failing isn’t proof of incapability, it’s proof of courage. It means I’m expanding my limits, and that’s something to be proud of.”
The overly positive version sounds great, but if I don’t believe it, it’s just empty words. The goal of this habit isn’t to force positivity – it’s to find a perspective that empowers rather than paralyzes.
Speaking to myself like I would to someone I love:
This is said often, but it’s so powerful when truly practiced. Whenever I catch myself speaking harshly to myself, I pause and ask:
- “Would I say this to a younger version of me?”
- “Does this thought actually support or help me in any way?”
- “Would I ever say this to someone I love?”
If the answer is a sigh, an eye roll, or a clear no, I take a moment to rewrite the thought into something that supports me. Because if I wouldn’t speak this way to someone I love, why would I speak this way to myself?
Creating a mental “reset button”:
Some days, my inner critic is louder than usual. When that happens, I don’t try to fight it, I reset. I have a small ritual that helps disrupt negative spirals and break old patterns. It can be as simple as:
- Taking deep breaths and resetting my nervous system.
- Moving my body, dancing to a song, a 10-minute walk, or a quick workout.
- Journaling for five minutes to release built-up thoughts.
- Drawing or doing something creative to shift my focus.
It doesn’t have to be a big effort – just a moment to pause, refresh, and come back with clarity and perspective, without guilt.
Celebrating small wins:
I love doing this now. My inner critic used to thrive on minimizing my accomplishments, making me feel like nothing was ever enough. So, I started tracking even the smallest progress I made.
For example, one decision that I followed through, one thing that made me smile today, one task that I completed, no matter how small, one thing that I did outside my comfort zone.
Over time, I built a list of mini wins, and what I thought was “nothing” turned out to be a series of victories. Seeing my own progress written down made it easier to acknowledge my growth and actually feel proud of myself.
Shifting from Self-Doubt to Self-Trust: (New One!)
For so long, I questioned myself at every turn “What if I mess up?” “What if I don’t know enough?” “What if this isn’t the right decision?” I was waiting for proof that I could trust myself, but I realized… self-trust isn’t something you wait for. It’s something you build.
Now, instead of “What if I fail?” I ask: “What if I figure it out?” Instead of overanalyzing every decision, I remind myself:
- I have handled difficult things before. I will handle this too.
- I don’t need certainty to move forward, I just need to start. (progress over perfection)
- I trust myself to learn along the way.
Self-trust isn’t about knowing everything, it’s about knowing that you can handle whatever happens next. And that shift is starting to change a lot for me.
Upcoming Workbook for Inner Critic!
For a deeper dive and understanding, I am creating an upcoming workbook that will guide you to understanding where your inner critic comes from, educate you on how it impacts your emotional and physical well-being, and, most importantly, how to rewire your inner critic into something that empowers rather than limits you.
Inside, you’ll find:
✔ The science of self-talk: how your thoughts shape your emotions, stress levels, and even physical health.
✔ Where the inner critic comes from and why it holds so much power over your decisions, confidence, and healing process.
✔ How to work with your inner critic instead of against it, learning to acknowledge it without letting it dictate your life.
✔ Practical self-talk shifts and reframing techniques that help you move from self-doubt to self-trust.
✔ Small, actionable changes you can implement today to begin rewriting the way you speak to yourself.
✔ A self-reflection workbook and exercises to help you integrate these concepts into your daily life.
This workbook is coming soon, and I’d love to have you on board. Sign up now for early access, updates, and a few surprises along the way!
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